I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
