I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
