I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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