No, you can still breathe under the balls.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
