id be glad to
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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