I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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