im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
