My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
