Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
