my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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