he puts the penis in happiness.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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