Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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