watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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