yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
