You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
