You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
