Cold hands, warm shart.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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