Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
