well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
