i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
