The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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