I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
