i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
