Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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