i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
