Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
