we have pet lesbian snakes
In America we eat man semen.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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