so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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