I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
