brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
