i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
