Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
