just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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