I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
