Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
