I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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