i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
