Your mouth is God's brothel.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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