PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
