my vag is so smooth its legendary
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
