can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
