We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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