i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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