so let's talk penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
