can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
