It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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