my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
