Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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