i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
