Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over

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(352): View more from Florida

Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

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(845): View more from New York

Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD

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(720): View more from Colorado

I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january

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(586): View more from Michigan

She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers

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(904): View more from Florida

Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.

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