I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
